Holidays of Future Passed

Aired: 18/12/22 at 8:30am

1) Bart is watching Itchy & Scratchy on a hologram:

[Itchy raises his knife to Scratchy and cuts his head off, which rolls next to Bart's couch. Itchy then decapitates various other parts of Scratchy's body, whilst blood splatters onto the chalkboard behind Bart. Bart turns the show off.]

In the first italicised part, the image is zoomed in so that Bart can't be seen going to his couch, although the coffee mug he is holding is visible.

In the second italicised part, the image is digitally edited so that there is no blood on the chalkboard.

2) Homer and Marge are in bed:

[Homer is reading a book through a computer.]

COMPUTER VOICE: I see you are reading a children's book, yet your profile indicates you are a mature adult. Is there an error? 

HOMER: Shut up! [Homer turns the computer off.] Oh, Marge, how would you like some future sеx? 

MARGE: Why do you say future? This is now. 

HOMER: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

[A text message noise is heard.]

MARGE: I just a got a message from Maggie in my brain.

3) Bart has learnt that his ex-wife got remarried:

BART: I can't believe she got married and I have no one. It's so hard to find somebody new. FLANDERS: Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed Edna, I married Maude's ghost. GHOST MAUDE: There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty meaningless void. 

FLANDERS: Isn't she pretty?

4) On the plane:

[A man is seen holding the plane together, Mad Max style. Another flying man approaches him.]

FLYING MAN: Oi. Can I get a pillow for my head? [The other man shoots him.]

[Cut to the crowded interior of the plane. A flight attendant walks down offering items.]

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Suicide pills? Mohawk gel? 20-year-old Business Week? Turkey and Brie wrap?

5) Homer and Lisa are talking:

HOMER: Hey, sweetie. Marge said there was some family tension. And at Christmas, of all times. 

LISA: My daughter thinks I'm a ruthless tyrant, like Hitler or Prince Harry. 

[Homer laughs.]

HOMER: Bloody Harry. He brought back beheading in a big way. Now I'm gonna show these boys [Bart's kids] downtown Springfield.

6) Bart is pulled over by Officer Ralph Wiggum:

OFFICER RALPH: Hi, Bart! 

BART: Hey, Ralph. I heard you died. 

OFFICER RALPH: I got cloneded. 

[As he is itching a gun on his head, the gun fires and he dies. A second Ralph then appears to replace him.]

OFFICER RALPH 2: All right, buddy, what's the hurry?

[After Bart drives away, the second Ralph is ran over by a third Ralph who is driving a truck.]

RALPH 3: That Ralph was stupid.

[The third Ralph then crashes into a building, setting the truck on fire, and all the Ralph clones inside the truck, who are also on fire, exit the truck.]

The line "I got cloneded" is dubbed over the line "what's the hurry?"

7) Lisa is inside Zia's online room:

ZIA: Mom? Why are you here? 

LISA: I was worried. I thought I would find... 

ZIA: What, me flashing my boobs on unripemelons.com? 

LISA: What? No. It doesn't matter what I thought.

Two days later (20/12/22), the episode was repeated at 6pm, and cuts 1, 3, 4, 5, and the second part of 6 were restored. Only cuts 2, the first part of 6, and 7 were still removed.

Midnight Rx

Aired: 16/12/22 at 6pm

1) A news report on the widespread cancellation of prescription drug plans:

KENT: To cope with the crisis, many consumers are turning to alternative forms of treatment. CHIEF WIGGUM: I've had to medicate Ralphie with stuff from the evidence locker. 

[Wiggum gives Ralph a pill, and his pupils get larger to fill his eye.]

RALPH: I'm cuckoo for contraband!

2) After the senior citizens are no longer given pills:

GRAMPA: I didn't die in World War 2 just to be pushed around by some pill-hoarding hussy! I'm gonna fight this thing!

3) Homer, Grampa, Apu and Flanders are smuggling drugs in Canada:

CANADIAN: Well, circle cut my bacon! Look at all these Yankee-doodly-dandies! Is there another Vietnam going on? 

FLADNERS: Hello, neighborino to the north. I sure like the cut of your gibberish. 

[Flanders and the Canadian rapidly make doodlily and diddily noises.]

CANADIAN: Say, would you like to puff on a reefer-ino? It's legal here. 

FLANDERS: They warned me Satan would be attractive. Let's go!

4) Homer, Grampa, Apu and Flanders are driving to the US border checkpoint:

FLANDERS: Anyone want some coffee for the ride back? 

APU: Not that convenience store crap, is it? Because I don't feed that to my dogs. 

FLANDERS: No, no. It's home-brewed. Careful. It's hotter than a Fox News weather skank.

 Fat Man and Little Boy

Aired: 15/12/22 at 6pm

1) Bart and Lisa are talking:

LISA: Bart, if you don't get up now, good luck getting a pancake. Dad's pulled his chair right up to the stove. 

BART: Lise, I think I'm having a midlife crisis. 

LISA: If you're feeling depressed, do what I do and write something. A novel, a play... 

BART: Or I could write something that's not gay.

2) Homer asks Bart for money:

[After seeing an advert on TV, Homer gasps in excitement.]

HOMER: Bart, can I ask you an important question? 

BART: How much? 

HOMER: $29.99. 

BART: Here's fifty. 

HOMER: Woo-hoo! 

BART: That's your donut money, too, mister.

The reason these parts are cut is that during them, Homer's shirt has visible text on it saying "RICH BITCH".

3) Homer needs help building a nuclear reactor:

HOMER: Hey, maybe the internet has the information I need. It certainly answered a lot of my questions about wang enhancement.

She Used to Be My Girl

Aired: 14/12/22 at 6pm

1) During the flashback when Barney is making out with Chloe:

BARNEY: I love you, Chloe. And I love you, too, brake fluid. [Barney takes out the brake fluid and drinks it, then he burps.]

2) At the dinner where Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather are with Kent Brockman:

[Brokaw is holding Kent's microphone.] 

BROKAW: You want your mic back, local anchor?

KENT: This just in. I'm pissed off.

This edit is poorly done, as the scene cuts before Brokaw finishes his line, so the last part of it is played over the end of Kent's line (which is muted).

3) The scene where Marge removes her black eye after fighting Chloe is cut:

[Marge looks at her black eye in the mirror, then opens it to find a spray that will cure her black eye.]

MARGE: Shiner-Be-Gone.

[Marge sprays it on her eye until it is no longer black.]

4) Marge realises that Lisa has left the house:

MARGE: Lisa, breakfast. I know you're mad at me. But I hope you're not mad at Cap'n Crunch... [Marge removes the blanket on Lisa's bed, revealing that Lisa is not there. Marge gasps.]

[Cut to Homer strangling Bart in the living room. On Channel 4, only the last part of this is seen.]

MARGE: Homer, we've gotta get Lisa! 

HOMER: All right. While I'm gone, boy, you think about what you did. 

BART: What did I do? 

HOMER: You... Why, you little... [Homer resumes strangling Bart. On Channel 4, only the very beginning of this is shown.] You need a reason for strangling, do you... I'll fix your wagon...

5) Homer and Marge are at the Women's Conference:

MARGE: I don't see Lisa in any of the seminars. 

HOMER: And I'm growing ashamed of my penis.

6) Barney saves Chloe's life with his helicopter:

CHLOE: Barney, you saved my life. 

BARNEY: Chloe, when you left me, I was devastated. But I sobered up long enough to become a pilot. With you beside me, I think I could make it work. How about a half-hour of pity sеx? 

CHLOE: Is there any other kind?

[Barney burps.]

The scene immediately after with the helicopter moving up and down is kept in, despite the context that they are having sex in it being removed.

7) During the credits, a scene plays from when the volcano erupted:

CHLOE: Lisa, what are you doing in there? [Chloe opens the car trunk that Lisa is hiding in.]

LISA: Praying to Buddha, Jesus, SpongeBob. There's no time to be picky.

[Transition to Jesus, Buddha and SpongeBob in heaven.]

BUDDHA: Perhaps we should help. 

SPONGEBOB: Screw her! [SpongeBob then laughs manically.]

Sleeping with the Enemy

Aired: 13/12/22 at 6pm

1) When Marge is mad at Nelson's mother:

MARGE: Go home to your son, Mrs. Muntz. And try not to have intercourse on the way!

Marge's first line is dubbed over her saying the cut dialogue.

2) When Nelson's family are reuniting:

MRS. MUNTZ: I got an acting job from the third director I slept with. I play Lady Macbeth.

All's Fair in Oven War

Aired: 12/12/22 at 6pm

1) Homer is dreaming he lives in two houses:

HOMER ON THE RIGHT: Turn that down. 

HOMER ON THE LEFT: Screw you. [The Homer on the left hits Homer on the right with a baseball bat.]

2) Marge and Homer are looking at a new house’s kitchen:

HOMER: And check this out. A walk-in microwave. 

[Whilst Homer in the microwave heating his popcorn, his hair catches on fire.] Hey, Marge, can you press "stop" when my popcorn's done? Uh-oh.

3) Homer is taking out a light bulb:

HOMER: Easy. Easy. 

[A statsh of Playdude magazines falls onto the floor.] Playdude magazines? Have you been hiding bosom rags from me? 

MARGE: Trying to. [Marge chuckles.] These magazines are from before we were married. Maybe you should throw them away. 

HOMER: But I need them for the articles. 

MARGE: Mmm. The articles, eh? So, you wouldn't mind if I cut out all the erotic nudes? HOMER: Of course not. Why would I want to look at a nude woman I'm not even married to? I mean, I wouldn't even know how she could improve me. 

MARGE: Hmm.

4) Milhouse and Bart are reading Playdude:

MILHOUSE: The grownups in this magazine are pretty cool. 

BART: I could make the tree house look like this. [Referring to an image he is looking at in the magazine.] Then we could have оrgіеs, whatever they are.

5) Lisa is reading the letter the Ovenfresh Bakeoff sent to Marge:

LISA: Thank you for applying to the Ovenfresh Bakeoff. Every year many wonderful cooks fail to qualify. [Marge sighs.] But screw them, you're in. Congratulations.

6) After Cletus says he’s going to “fix” James Caan’s “wagon”:

[James Caan and Brandine stop at a toll booth.] 

JAMES CAAN: A toll booth? I hate these things.

[The toll booth officer hides as several men appear behind the toll booth. 

After Brandine runs away, the men start shooting at Caan and his car. When Caan exits the car, one of the men shoots him in the chest multiple times, then kicks him in the head before walking away.]

JAMES CAAN: That's it. Next time I fly. [Credits begin.]